Male Pattern Blindness

So, like many of you, I have several males in my life. After many hours of painstaking observation, I wanted to share an amazing discovery I have made. All males, regardless of age, share an affliction. Male Pattern Blindness. There is no other logical explanation for what goes on in my home, and others like it across the country.

Allow me to share.

My darling husband, on his days off, has been known to grab the cordless phone, stand in front of the refrigerator, and ring me at work to ask me where the ketchup is. And I, being the person who put it away each and every time prior (another male syndrome to be addressed at a later date), can tell him with compass-like accuracy the exact coordinates where the ketchup is currently residing.

I know this is consistent throughout the gender. My sweet son #1 cannot, as a general policy, find his gym shoes in the morning even though we have a firm rule in our house that the gym shoes, backpack, and jacket go by the door before he goes to bed. This in, in part, because "by the front door" is such a vague term. In my mind, "by the front door" is a specific location, limited to approximately two square feet of space near the coat hook.

His interpretation is a bit broader, of course, and extends to the entire 24 square feet of the entryway, including underneath the hall table. He also doesn't share my seemingly logical assumption that said gym shoes should be placed together. So, of course, when he goes to look for the shoes, they may be under a table or separated in some fashion. Needless to say, this arrangement, in combination with his gender bias toward Male Pattern Blindness sets him up for almost certain failure in his search for shoes.

I hold little hope for baby son #2.



Mel said...

Ha! So true!

Anonymous said...

'Male pattern blindness' - that is excellent!

Love the ketchup story!