As a little girl, I remember playing house. I was always the mommy. My dolls were the babies, and I took care of them. As I grew up, I always assumed that one day I would get married and have real babies of my own. In a million years, however, I never imagined some of the things that would come from my mouth once those children were a reality...
"Don't sit on the dog's head!"
P3, our dog, is a saint. We adopted her at 8 weeks, so she's never really known anything else, but The Manimal, who had just turned one when we got her, is a bit, well, rough. He sits on her head, pulls her tail, and pushes her out the door. All is forgiven, however, because he is also her main source of treats.
"Remember, the broom is for sweeping the floor, nowhere else."
The Manimal loves to "help mommy", including sweeping. Unfortunately, he does not limit his sweeping to the floor. It often appears that he is fencing some unseen opponent, and in the process, wreaking havoc with the broom/epee.
"Don't bite my butt!"
Does this really need explanation? They have both bitten me THERE. I guess because I'm 5'10", my backside is mouth level for toddlers.
"WHY did you poop on the footstool?" "Don't sit on the dog's head!"
P3, our dog, is a saint. We adopted her at 8 weeks, so she's never really known anything else, but The Manimal, who had just turned one when we got her, is a bit, well, rough. He sits on her head, pulls her tail, and pushes her out the door. All is forgiven, however, because he is also her main source of treats.
"Remember, the broom is for sweeping the floor, nowhere else."
The Manimal loves to "help mommy", including sweeping. Unfortunately, he does not limit his sweeping to the floor. It often appears that he is fencing some unseen opponent, and in the process, wreaking havoc with the broom/epee.
"Don't bite my butt!"
Does this really need explanation? They have both bitten me THERE. I guess because I'm 5'10", my backside is mouth level for toddlers.
We're potty training. 'Nuff said
"WHY did you poop on the floor?"
We're potty training. Clearly the boy doesn't understand that poop goes in the potty.
"Get off your brother's head!"
I have two boys. Whenever they're together for more than 2 minutes, some sort of wrestling is bound to ensue.
"No, you can't have chocolate cookies for breakfast."
Although I confess to occasionally considering them, a la Bill Cosby.
"Mommy's shoes are not for dog poop."
He decided since his brother used the Pooper Scooper to clean up the backyard, that he would use my shoes. Fortunately I caught him BEFORE he did the deed.
"Don't touch the poop!"
See previous references.
"Pianos are not ladders!"
Apparently, boys like to climb.
What have you said that you never dreamed you'd hear?
2 comments:
I relate, sadly, to several of yours!!
Here's mine:
"DON'T STEP ON THE BABY'S HEAD!!"
When DD was in college, she had a job leading bus trips to Washington DC for 8th graders. She told me that she caught one of her charges walking on top of a very narrow wall. Without thinking she yelled,"Get down from there right now before you hurt yourself!" and immediately thought, "Oh my god, my mom's words just came out of MY mouth!" Of course, I LOVED it! :)
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