Merry Grinch-mas!

I love Christmas. I love the REAL meaning of Christmas. I love finding the perfect gifts for friends and family. I love Christmas decorations and Christmas music.

Now that I've made that clear, I'm hoping that you'll indulge my inner Grinch for just a moment.


I really don't like the Christmas song "Blue Christmas". Strongly dislike. Despise. Hate. Abhor.

I mean, really. Why in the world would someone take what is arguably the most joyous time of the year and write a song about being sad? And why in the world does Sirius XM feel the need to play it so.freaking.often?

When I was seven, my dad was away for a year in Alaska. An active duty Air Force man, he was given a remote duty assignment and couldn't take us along. My mom, brother and I moved to the small town where my grandparents lived. Being 1976/77, Skype didn't exist. Nor did e-mail or cell phones. Needless to say, we missed my dad a LOT. My memories of that year are fading, but I do remember a popular Christmas song that year.

I hated it then because my Dad wouldn't be home for Christmas. I wonder how many military families feel the same way now.

On a related topic, I took The Manimal and Little Darth with me grocery shopping last week. Little Darth is pretty much attached to my...well, you get the idea, and in a moment of insanity out of the kindness of my heart I offered to take The Manimal with me so Diva Husband could fix our non-functioning toilet have a few hours of peace and quiet.

After one minor Christmas gift related meltdown in Aldi (during which I may have, for the thirty-seven-eleventh time, used the Santa threat), we headed to the Evil Empire. Among other things, I had to pick up some gift bags for teacher gifts. I was planning to avoid the t-o-y aisle altogether, not wanting to have to take the name of the Big Elf in vain again. Quick and easy, we picked up what we needed and headed to the Christmas wrap and decorations in the Seasonal section of the store. For the record, this is on an opposite end of the store from the t-o-y section.

A few fa-la-la's later, and we were there. And what to my wondering eyes should appear right next to the gift bags?! Three, count them THREE aisles of T-O-Y-S. In seasonal. Really?! I'd love to say I was able to grab the gift bags and go, but noooooo. Another meltdown discussion ensued about why we would not be buying ANY t-o-y-s before Christmas, and if he didn't behave, I would have to contact the birthday fairy (not really, but you get the idea) about a certain little boy with a January birthday...

I was seriously ready to send a nasty-gram to the President of the Evil Empire begging him to NOT put T-O-Y sections throughout the store.

I settled for a glass of wine as a reward for surviving my outing with The Manimal.

Maybe I'll boycott all brick & mortar stores and become a complete hermit, doing ALL of my shopping online. At least then I could have a glass of wine WHILE I shop.

What we have here is a...

Our school district has an automatic notification system. It's one of those dealios where you provide every possible means of contact, and when the district wants to send information home or make some sort of emergency announcement, you'll receive fifty seven eleven hundred thousand auto-messages from the school district.

I really don't mind it. I just have to remember to provide only one or two lines of communication instead of every single phone number and email address I have.

But that's not the failure in this line of communication.

This morning at oh-dawn-thirty, we received an auto-message from the school robot voice system that said there would be no district transportation (in my day we called those "school buses") today due to an oil pipeline leak at the transportation center ("bus garage"). I didn't think too much about it, since The Tweenager rides his bike to school.

I didn't think too much of it, but you should remember this first message, as it plays prominently in the story.

About fifteen minutes after he left on said bike, he returned home and I received this (non-automated) phone call from Diva Husband.

DH: The Tweenager's home.
Me: Why?
DH: Apparently a "suspicious package" was found in the school parking lot and they sent all the kids home while the police investigate.

Uhm. Okay. Good to know that they're doing their jobs. Then I received another phone call, this time from auto-message. It confirmed what DH had told me, said that school would be cancelled for the day while the matter was investigated, and to please come get your children.

Later I heard again from DH that there was apparently a similar package found at another elementary school in our district. It was a canister duct taped to a light post, just like the one at our school, and the police were handling this as well, but a prankster was suspected.

I have to say that our district handled things VERY well. They were advised by the police and village officials to proceed with "highest caution", particularly in light of tomorrow's 9/11 anniversary. Children and school staffs were removed immediately to safe locations and parents were notified in an extremely timely manner.

Again, clearly not the failure.

The failure was discovered around 3 pm when I received ANOTHER auto-message. Apparently a total of five schools in our district found the mystery canisters taped to light poles in parking lots.

Five.

All placed by the Environmental Protection Agency to measure air quality at the schools due to...

Do you remember that first phone call?

...the early morning leak in the oil pipeline at the transportation center.

And here's the failure, folks. That wonderful governmental agency placed these unknown canisters on the grounds of FIVE schools in the district and neglected to notify a single village official, school district official, law enforcement officer or fire protection district.

School District Communication System: A
Environmental Protection Agency: F

FAIL!

No More Pencils, No More Books...

Well, not officially yet.

The Tweenager's last day of school is June 3. This is the first year since he's been in the district that they've not extended the school year due to snow days. Strange, really. I mean, the district calendar actually lists it as "tentative last day".

Crazy.

Growing up in Southwest Ohio, we had five snow days built into the calendar. Meaning if we actually got through the year without any snow days, we went to school for 185 days. And we didn't really think anything of it.

Clearly the teachers' unions and administrative interference have gotten stronger in the past 25 or 30 years.

We always had a few days at the end of the year that were pretty much wasted. Field Days, picnics, clean-up days. You get the idea.

Before I go any further with my rant (because you know there's gotta be a rant coming, right?), a couple of small disclaimers.

We are blessed that The Tweenager is at a school with a wonderful staff who cares deeply about the kids. He has benefited immensely this year from their attention and instruction.

Also, let me say that I'm definitely not against a fun day here and there. The teachers and kids work hard, and it's always nice to celebrate with a "non-work" day.

What irritates me is that although the last day of school is June 3, there will be precious little instruction going on during that entire week. The law says students need 180 instructional days each year. And while I do see value in co-curricular activities, it irks me more than a little to know that nearly an entire week of "instructional time" is simply tossed aside.

I can't even take him out of school that week in protest without being grilled as to why he's missing "school". Absences on Field Day are treated the same way as absences during the ISAT's (Illinois' standardized testing).

While our district's test scores and academic results aren't terrible, they certainly aren't tops in the state. My property taxes continue to rise (even though my property value continues to decline), so I expect that my schools should be well-funded. Unfortunately, I live in a state that owes its school districts and public universities ridiculous amounts of money. Chicago Public Schools alone are owed more than $200 million by the Great State of Illinois. Our district is nowhere near the size of CPS, and the state owes us nearly $10 million.

All of this makes me wonder if the district really thinks that the educational benefits of four days of "fun" are really equivalent to "instructional days".

Oh, wait. He's only in school for 90 minutes on the last day. Did I forget to mention that? As a working parent, THOSE days make me see red. We are fortunate that Diva Husband is able to be home so we don't have to make sitter arrangements, but I know a lot of working parents who have to change their work schedules so the District can have one last "instructional" day.

As I said earlier, I have the utmost respect for teachers. I was in the trenches for five years. Teachers really do touch the future. Unfortunately, they have to work under the watchful eye of district and state administrators who apparently find a Field Day or End-of-the-Year Kickball Tournament on par with regular instructional days.

"School's out, school's out!
No more pencils, no more books,
No more PARENTS' dirty looks!"

Post-It Note Tuesday

For more Post-It Note Tuesdays and How to Make Your Own, visit SupahMommy!

Post-It Note Tuesday

It's a new Meme today! For more Post-It Note Tuesdays and How to Make Your Own, visit SupahMommy!

Dear Sir or Madam

I snagged this idea from my bloggy buddy Whitney. I figure it's a good way to avoid going postal when people drive you crazy stay in the holiday spirit.

Dear Comcast,

I applaud your new "improved customer service" ad campaign for which I've seen multiple television and print ads. However, I feel the need to remind you of the importance of truth in advertising.

That is all.

Sincerely,
ElleBee (aka "Please Santa, bring AT & T UVerse to my neighborhood for Christmas!")

Dear Lane Bryant,

As someone who is shaped like a freaking pear was blessed with good birthing hips, I am in love with your new Right Fit trouser jeans, size 5 blue. I could wear them every.single.day. I love the fact that I can wear a real belt and not have a big old gap at the back.

I think maybe you should give me a pair that I can use as a giveaway. I know some other curvy girls who would love them!

Kiss-Kiss,
ElleBee (aka "So glad I don't have to pay $75 for a pair of nice jeans anymore!")

Dear Children's Television Ad Programmers,

While I understand the economic importance of television advertising, is it necessary to have what seems to be an overabundance of girl toys? With an impressionable almost-four-year-old BOY, I'd appreciate more gender-neutral or boy-specific toys so my child doesn't feel that Santa needs to bring him Polly Pocket or the Dora Links doll.

It was bad enough that for Halloween he wanted to be a fireman with a pink jacket.

kthxbye,
ElleBee (aka "I never thought I'd wish for more Pokemon or Bakugan or Legos")

Dear Feminists Who Will Inevitably Consider Responding to the Above Letter,

Yes, I know I sound sexist and stereotypical. I don't care. They're my children, not yours.

Leave my Mommy's boys alone,
ElleBee (aka "The Mother Hen")

Take a Number

I try to be a positive person. I don't like negativity, as a general rule, and if possible, try not to be around negative people.

That being said, I have a complaint.

I once sang the praises of Bloglines.

I'm not anymore. Bloglines stinks. They have SO many technical glitches; for example, they have been on the fritz ALL DAY. And sometimes, they just randomly quit updating a blog that I know has a feed.

Anyone know how to import all TWO HUNDRED FORTY EIGHT of my bloggy reads into Google Reader without doing the old manual entry?

**UPDATED: So not only is Google Reader more user-friendly? It told me exactly how to import my Bloglines list! :) Farewell, Bloglines! Parting is such sweet sorrow!