In Memoriam

I've seen this before, in various iterations. I so wish I could take credit for its creation, but I can't. It has been credited to many authors, including The London Times and comedian George Carlin. It's a classic and bears repeating, particularly in this day and age of political correctness. It reminds me a lot of my favorite Saturday Night Live skit with Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, Weekend Update: Really?!

"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

'Knowing when to come in out of the rain', 'Why the early bird gets the worm', 'Life isn't always fair', and 'Maybe it was my fault'.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies; don't spend more than you can earn, and reliable strategies; adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the religious organizations became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his spouse Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. Common Sense is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone."

Common Sense: Dona Eis Requiem (Grant Him Rest)...

Super Powers

(image source: http://thefastertimes.com/comics/files/2010/02/justice-league.jpg)

Did you ever get to a time in your life as a parent where you're pretty sure you "got" your kids? I mean, I'm always up for a surprise, but I was feeling pretty sure about my kids.

I know my kids.

I know what they like and what they don't. I know how much sleep they need and when they've had more than enough computer time or television time and need to go outside and shoot a few hoops.

I know their behavior quirks.

Or at least I thought I did.

Recently, they've been using their powers for evil less than good.

The Tweenager (The Boy Formerly Known as Sweet Son #1) has been using his power of super-hearing to his advantage. Of course, what he may think of as "super hearing", I prefer to think of as "selective" hearing, sometimes called "selective deafness".

A conversation might go like this:

Me: "Tweenager, please feed and water the dog."
Tweenager: OK.

Ten Minutes Later...

M: "Tweenager, Princess needs food and water."
T: OK.

Another ten minutes passes...

M: "Why is the dog scrounging in the pantry?"

You get the picture.

Or sometimes I ask him to empty the dishwasher, one of his regular chores. Of course, I make the crucial error of not making him stop what he's doing, look me in the eye and repeat my request back to me.

Silly me.

And don't even get me started on The Manimal's powers.

For one thing, he is able to turn into the World's Sweetest Child less than two seconds after he's just thrown a shoe across the room and managed to hit The Tweenager right in the extremely-sensitive-spot-that-only-boys-have.

Me: "Manimal! You stop that right now! That's not nice!"
Manimal: "I love you so much, Mommy!"

Uh-Huh.

He's not even secretive about his powers. Last night after a fall-on-the-floor-screaming-hysterical temper tantrum, we were talking about good behavior.

He informed me that he only had "Bad Boy Powers" right now. And that he used his "Bad Boy Powers" when people didn't listen to him. I tried to explain that he should use his Big Boy Words and Powers instead of throwing a fit.

He told me he would have to buy some "Big Boy Powers" from the good Droids.

Uh-Huh.

So I told him that if he didn't get some big boy powers and stop using his naughty boy powers, then Daddy and I would be forced to use our "No More Lego Star Wars Power" and possibly our "Spanking Power".

Where is the Justice League when you need them?

I'm On a Horse!

I'm of the camp that believes the best part of the Super Bowl is generally the commercials.

"The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" has officially made Old Spice my favorite company ever.

Basically, the guy starts out in a shower, is transported to a boat, and then, yes ends up on a horse.

All because of Old Spice Body Wash, of course.

It was clearly shot through the magic of computers. Or was it? Check out this video. It's a bit on the long side, but so very cool.

Post-It Note Tuesday

It's a new Meme today! For more Post-It Note Tuesdays and How to Make Your Own, visit SupahMommy!

Five Hundred (and a Giveaway!)

Hard to believe, but yesterday marked my five hundredth post! I guess that's what happens when you decide to post every day and forget to keep track of just how many posts you've done in total! I thought 300 was a milestone and now 500 has come and gone!

If you read yesterday's post, I introduced you to my creative friend Michelle. Well, she has graciously agreed to help me celebrate this momentous anniversary of 500 posts with a wonderful giveaway! If you looked at the video (which I know you all did!), then you saw the fabulous acrylic stamps and positioning block that Close to My Heart now has. I know a lot of you out there in the blogosphere are crafty and creative and would do beautiful things with something like this.

Here's the scoop. Michelle has agreed to give away a set of stamps with a block to position your images just right! This is a $30 value! If you already love stamping or wanted to try it, this would be a great way to check out the CTMH products.

So how to enter? Leave a comment on this post for one entry. Still want another? Post a link to this contest on your own blog and come back to let me know! Still another entry? Link to Michelle's video on your Facebook or Twitter account and leave another comment telling me you did! What? You want another way to win? Head over to Michelle's creative blog "Inks Outside the Box" and leave her comment love! Make sure you come back here and let me know that you did!

That's FOUR chances to win this fabulous little stamp set! I'll give you until 9 pm (Central Time, interpeeps) on Thursday, 2/4/10 to enter, then on Friday, the 505th post on my blog will announce the winner! Be sure to leave your email so I can connect you with Michelle to arrange shipping! :)

Artsy Craftsy

I love doing crafts. Unfortunately, I don't do them very often, with the exception of the occasional Christmas craft. I have, over the years, dabbled in many crafty projects. As a child, I once worked on a simple plastic canvas needlepoint project for TWO YEARS before I completed it.

Yes. Two years.

I get interested and then my interest wanes. Consequently, I become a Jill of All Trades (and Master of None), when it comes to crafting.

I especially have a huge respect for stampers/scrapbookers and absolutely LOVE the finished products.

I tried scrapping once. Unfortunately, my envisioning skills are often more developed than my execution skills. The best laid plans and all that.

My photos usually end up in simple albums, or, worse yet, in a folder on my computer. I'm pretty sure that without Facebook and my blog, Diva Nana might suffer serious withdrawal from her boys.

I've stamped a few greeting cards in my time. But after a few cards, my perfectionism would kick in. Trying to line everything up perfectly, or make sure I had the perfect paper and pattern would make me crazy, which of course is in complete opposition to the relaxing effect crafting is SUPPOSED to have.

I figure at least I know my limits.

A college friend of mine is one of those amazingly creative people who FAR exceeds my stamping/scrapping abilities. Michelle is a consultant/director for Close to My Heart. She "Inks Outside the Box", in her words!

What amazes me are the projects that can be created with stamps. On her CTMH site, Michelle has this totally cute photo cube project that's made with a "stamp of the month".


How cute is that? What a great gift that would be for family or friends!

This next project was from what Michelle calls her "December BlogHop". What a great hostess/teacher/friend gift this stationery would be. She even gives a step-by-step "how to" on her blog.



Michelle is in a contest to promote CTMH's new acrylic stamps. She's created a fabulous video extolling the many positive aspects of acrylic stamps. She's trying to get as many page hits as possible, so head on over and take a look! You'll get a kick out of it.

A three-legged kick, to be precise! ;)

And maybe you'll be inspired to be all artsy-craftsy!

Picnic Guests

The Manimal is at a fun age. He's very imaginative and has a strong bond with the Fire Ants. If you're in the southern part of the USA, you know that fire ants are nasty little creatures. Diva Nana tells a story from when we lived in Mississippi and I sat in a fire ants' nest. The little beasts invaded my diaper and ohmygranny.

You can imagine what my reaction must have been. I'm just grateful that I have no memory whatsoever of the incident.

As you could probably guess, our fire ants aren't real, except in the vivid imagination of one almost four year-old.

I was a bit puzzled, though, when he started talking about them. He's never seen real fire ants and we've never discussed them.

One day, though, he solved the mystery for me. He was telling me a very elaborate story about how the fire ants got arrested.

By the police ants.

Off now to make my bread and hear more tales of the fire ants!

Tuesday Top Ten

It's not Letterman's Top Ten, but welcome to Ten on Tuesday!

Ten Fabulously Easy Holiday Decorating Tips

1. We'll start with one of my favorite holiday centerpieces ever! Find an inexpensive cut glass bowl or glass trifle dish (often already living in your kitchen or pantry) like this:


and fill it with glass/plastic ball ornaments like these:
2. Do you love holiday wall decals like these? Me too! Unfortunately, we'd rather not spend that kind of money on them. Check out Walmart, Target and your local grocery stores. I found some smaller Christmas themed decals for...are you ready for this?

$2.00 each!

3. If you're having guests for the holidays, try to put a bit of the holidays in every room. In our powder room, I have a square laurel wreath with a brown velvet ribbon. During the holidays, I put red berry picks in the wreath. Before our guest room was otherwise occupied with a certain preschooler, our holiday guests enjoyed small candle groupings and holiday potpourri on the bedside table.

4. Stock up on Command Strips and Hooks. Trust me on this one. It will make your holiday decorating SO much easier!

5. Decorating is much more fun if you set the mood. A nice cup of cocoa or glass of wine, along with some fabulous background music will really make for an enjoyable time. I'm partial to a nice sparkling moscato and one of these new Christmas music collections:


6. Let the kids help. When I was little, Diva Nana used to let Baby Brother and I make window decorations. We'd draw and color to our hearts' content, then she'd tape the snowmen, candy canes and Christmas trees in the front window. They may not have made the cut for Pottery Barn or Martha Stewart, but we loved them and loved that we got to help!

7. Take a bow. You'll be taking bows after you show off your incredible bow-making skills. Several years ago I happened to be in a Container Store where they were giving holiday bow-making classes. That fifteen minute class and some practice with wired ribbon has served me well over the years. Pre-made bows are pricey, and it's amazing how some sale ribbon can be transformed into beautiful bows for stairwells, mantles, gifts, wreaths and more! Check out your local Michael's or Hobby Lobby, or ask a florist friend for their secrets!

8. Go back in time. Have a hot air popcorn popper in the depths of your cabinets? Pull it out and make some popcorn garlands. Be sure to use a fairly fine needle and make LOTS of popcorn, so you've got enough to string, even if some breaks. If you're really ambitious, alternate with cranberries or even red beads.

9. Remember your outdoor friends. Make some popcorn bird feeders with pinecones, peanut butter and birdseed. Hang them with some red string and deck the outdoor halls!

10. Pick up an inexpensive solid color tablecloth for everyday use. Even if, like me, your china doesn't match and you tend to use paper napkins, and your cuisine is more Rachel Ray than Julia Child, everything is a bit more festive when served with a tablecloth!

Happy Decorating!

When you make salt dough ornaments...

and leave them on the rack in the kitchen to cool overnight?

Don't forget to warn your cookie-loving hubby that they--most emphatically--are NOT cookies.

Dear Sir or Madam

Today is "Open Letter Friday" over at SITS.

We've all done it, haven't we? Written those letters that will never be sent? Here's my offering, and don't forget to check out the rest of the SITStas' letters!

Happy Friday! Let's start with a nice one, shall we?

Dear Fellow Patient at My Doctor's Office:

I just wanted to thank you so very much for giving up your appointment time for me. I know this is the prime cold/flu season and my hopes of "slipping in" to see the doctor (on a Monday of all days) were just plain silly. Allowing me to take your appointment time so I could pick up SS#1 and The Manimal on time was just plain sweet. I hope you're feeling better!

It only goes downhill from here, so don't get too excited!

Dear Fellow Shopper at Wal-Mart:

I was going to apologize for my child throwing an out-and-out fit in your presence, but the look you gave me when I spanked his diaper-padded, blue jean-covered bottom because he was being disobedient made me want to tell you to MYODB*. I chose instead to smile saccharinely and go on my (not so) merry way.

For the record, MYODB is "mind your own darn (not really darn, but this is a family show) business".

Dear Gillette, Schick and Any Other Companies Who Manufacture Razors:

You are evil. I'm pretty sure that you are in cahoots together just trying to dream up new products that will require use of your specific replacement blade. I don't so much mind that Gillette products won't fit Schick and vice versa, but let's get real. If I have a Gilette Venus handle, but the Gillette Mach 3 blades are on sale, I shouldn't have to buy the new handle. I'm just saying.

It's enough to make a girl wanna go fuzzy natural.

Dear Huggies:

I was a faithful Huggies mom with Sweet Son #1. Your diapers protected the world from the sheer volume of liquid that seemed to leak out of his body at any given moment. When you came out with Huggies Overnites, I nearly cried at the possibility of not having to change his crib sheets every.single.night.

Although The Manimal's body seemed better suited to one of your competitor's products, I was still a faithful user of the Overnites. Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, you introduced a Size 6 in the Overnites. Bless You.

Then one day, they were gone. Gone from Wal-Mart. Gone from Target. Gone from KMart. Gone even from my standby bargain location for Huggies, Family Dollar. I went to the Huggies website and noticed that my most-shopped discount stores were GONE from the "Look for Huggies Overnites Here" section.

Gone.

Now, I do love your diapers, but not the prices, and barring some superior sales, I don't buy diapers at grocery stores or drugstores. And just the THOUGHT of even walking NEAR a Toys R Us or Babies R Us gives me an anxiety attack.

Why, oh why did you part company with my local discount retailers? I'm one sad, sad mommy.

Who now has to do a lot more laundry, thanks to Huggies.

It's a cleansing, freeing experience, writing these letters. Can't wait to read some of the others over at SITS!

Oh, and don't forget to visit me again starting on MONDAY for my fabulous giveaways!

A Week of Giveaways!

So I was checking out my blogging history and realized that this month I'll hit the big three-oh-oh. That's right, I'll soon hit 300 posts.

Because it's NaBloPoMo, I know that I'll hit that big blog-a-versary on Friday, November 28th. For me, that's a pretty cool milestone, and I've decided to celebrate my fellow bloggy friends with a week of giveaways! Nothing huge, but a few gifts of thanks.

Monday, November 24th--Party Hearty with this gift that will remind you of the 70's!
Tuesday, November 25th--Get ready to Deck the Halls with this pretty, preppy giveaway!
Wednesday, November 26th--Enjoy some Pumpkin Spice or Peppermint flavors with today's giveaway!
Thursday, November 27th--Give thanks for all of your blessings with today's well-versed giveaway!
Friday, November 28th--No special reason for this one, it's just fun!

Stay tuned for specifics, but be sure to come back for the Big 300 Giveaway!

Sew What?

So I'm innocently going through my morning blog reads and ONCE AGAIN Lisagh has posted some absolutely adorable homesewn creations. Now, I realize these lovelies aren't HER creations, but Christy's. Still, I find this enabling behavior completely unacceptable, if only because it's not just her friends that are crafty with a needle and thread.

If you've not visited the Garage and seen Lisagh's own handiwork, stop reading right now and GO! You can see her embroidery here (FREEHAND, mind you--no pattern. This woman can do EVERYTHING!). An apron here--Hello, June Cleaver calling! A quilted pillow here.

Sigh.

I do consider myself a bit crafty, but sewing--real sewing, not just "let's reattach a button" sewing--is something that has escaped me. I keep saying that I want to get a machine and learn, but HELLO! Like I have time for this at the moment! Not to mention the fact that I tend to be a bit, well, obsessive with new interests, and, quite frankly, I can't afford a boatload of new fabric and notions.

In her defense, it's not just Lisagh that seems to be conspiring here. Recall my post from yesterday, and you'll see that Randi is in on the gig too! And those amazing homemakers like Anna and Lauren Christine who actually MAKE THEIR OWN CLOTHES! What's a girl to do?!

I suppose I'll have to break down and borrow the Mother-In-Law's sewing machine and let her teach me how to use it.

Because goodness knows I can't stand up to this peer pressure much longer.

Fresh Squeezed!

Oh, now I absolutely must learn how to sew and quilt. Fellow blogger Randi has opened a little Etsy shop called "Fresh Squeezed Fabrics". If you're a seamstress or quilter (or just a wannabe like me), go check her out. The fabrics are, well, absolutely fab!

Fun Giveaways!

Check out Glad Tidings for a great crafter giveaway (and some links to other giveaways!). I've been inspired to try and learn to sew!

Wordless Wednesday (well, sort of...)

A friend recommended I do this on my blog, and since I'm not feeling especially verbose lately, I took her advice. It's fun to do, so if you want to steal it, feel free! :)

1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)

2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box

3. Use only the first page

4. Copy the html and paste for the answer.

Here goes!

1. First name?

2. Favorite color?

3. Celebrity crush?

4. Band you're listening to now?5. Favorite movie?6. Favorite Disney princess?7. Favorite alcoholic beverage?8. Dream vacation?9. Favorite dessert?10. What do you want to be when you grow up?

You Look Mah-ve-lous!

So how do you like it? I absolutely love my new look, but I can take absolutely no credit for this fab new look. It's all due to the artistic abilities of the mah-ve-lous, creative, preppy Lisagh, a Diva herself! Kiss-kiss, dearie, and thanks ever so much!

Cheers!

New Clothes

I'm kind of (read "very") tired of the generic look of my blog. I'm looking for a free or fairly inexpensive new look. Can anyone help me with this?

Cheers!

Yawn

It's Friday.

I'm tired.

In a funk.

Manimal awake at oh-dawn-thirty.

Crazy dog thinks she's a human child.

Higglytown Heroes song going through my head.

Incessantly.

No idea what to make for dinner tonight.

Have to buy a birthday gift for a two-year-old.

Party tomorrow night.

Laundry tonight.

And tomorrow.

You?

Cheers!