Dear Various News (and So-Called News) Outlets,

Tiger Woods was an amazing golfer (and still is, if you're the average hit-the-links-on-Sundays or don't-really-know-anything-about-the-sport kind of golfer). Bottom line, though, is that he's a celebrity and has about as much in common with your average readers/viewers as the Queen of England does with an Aboriginal tribesman living somewhere in Australia.

I care about Tiger's (finally) finalized divorce about as much as I care about...about...

Well, I guess I really just don't care. This is not news. Please stop pretending it is.

kthxbye.