Random Dancing!

If you're the parent of a tweenager (or in my case The Tweenager), it's likely you'll know exactly WHO does random dancing. This post doesn't really have anything to do with her, but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of creating a random blog post.

So here they are, in random order, the random thoughts that have been dancing through my head lately.

• Mr. Baby is perfectly content to stay where he is. Since his lease isn't technically up for another three weeks, that's just fine with me. I would, however, prefer if he would stop trying to dislocate my ribs.

• I'm pretty sure that if moms were in charge of the school district budget, we wouldn't have nearly the financial woes we do now.

• I'm fairly certain if The Tweenager was a girl, I'd've killed him by now.

• I clearly was mistaken when I assumed that boys don't develop "the attitude" as early as girls do.

• Diva Nana & Diva Papa are on a fabulous road trip with my globetrotting Diva Godmother. They were recently in NY State and stopped at Ft. Ticonderoga. I asked if they were bringing us back some pencils. They didn't get it.

• Diva Nana is very concerned that Mr. Baby might make his appearance early, ie: before they return. She was happy to hear my first random thought.

• The Manimal is quite taken by the small stash of teeny-tiny diapers that we have. He had to try one on for size, even though it would barely cover one of his preschool-sized butt cheeks. He was a bit upset when I told him that the baby could no longer use that diaper since the tape closure was torn from its side and attached somewhere else on the diaper.

• I just used the phrase "butt cheek" in my blog. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I ever used such a phrase, and the fact that it tickles me a bit only reinforces my "Oh Lord help me" thought that in less than a month I'll be the mother of THREE BOY CHILDREN.

And now, just in case you're not the parent of a tweenager and are still wondering about the title, I leave you with this:

Sequel

My favorite men's body wash has done it again. Remember "I'm on a Horse"?

Well, the geniuses at Old Spice's marketing firm have returned with hot OS man, Isaiah Mustafa, and this time, he walks on water! These commercials are the best! I love that they are basically poking fun of their own industry. Check it out!

Super Powers

(image source: http://thefastertimes.com/comics/files/2010/02/justice-league.jpg)

Did you ever get to a time in your life as a parent where you're pretty sure you "got" your kids? I mean, I'm always up for a surprise, but I was feeling pretty sure about my kids.

I know my kids.

I know what they like and what they don't. I know how much sleep they need and when they've had more than enough computer time or television time and need to go outside and shoot a few hoops.

I know their behavior quirks.

Or at least I thought I did.

Recently, they've been using their powers for evil less than good.

The Tweenager (The Boy Formerly Known as Sweet Son #1) has been using his power of super-hearing to his advantage. Of course, what he may think of as "super hearing", I prefer to think of as "selective" hearing, sometimes called "selective deafness".

A conversation might go like this:

Me: "Tweenager, please feed and water the dog."
Tweenager: OK.

Ten Minutes Later...

M: "Tweenager, Princess needs food and water."
T: OK.

Another ten minutes passes...

M: "Why is the dog scrounging in the pantry?"

You get the picture.

Or sometimes I ask him to empty the dishwasher, one of his regular chores. Of course, I make the crucial error of not making him stop what he's doing, look me in the eye and repeat my request back to me.

Silly me.

And don't even get me started on The Manimal's powers.

For one thing, he is able to turn into the World's Sweetest Child less than two seconds after he's just thrown a shoe across the room and managed to hit The Tweenager right in the extremely-sensitive-spot-that-only-boys-have.

Me: "Manimal! You stop that right now! That's not nice!"
Manimal: "I love you so much, Mommy!"

Uh-Huh.

He's not even secretive about his powers. Last night after a fall-on-the-floor-screaming-hysterical temper tantrum, we were talking about good behavior.

He informed me that he only had "Bad Boy Powers" right now. And that he used his "Bad Boy Powers" when people didn't listen to him. I tried to explain that he should use his Big Boy Words and Powers instead of throwing a fit.

He told me he would have to buy some "Big Boy Powers" from the good Droids.

Uh-Huh.

So I told him that if he didn't get some big boy powers and stop using his naughty boy powers, then Daddy and I would be forced to use our "No More Lego Star Wars Power" and possibly our "Spanking Power".

Where is the Justice League when you need them?

I'm On a Horse!

I'm of the camp that believes the best part of the Super Bowl is generally the commercials.

"The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" has officially made Old Spice my favorite company ever.

Basically, the guy starts out in a shower, is transported to a boat, and then, yes ends up on a horse.

All because of Old Spice Body Wash, of course.

It was clearly shot through the magic of computers. Or was it? Check out this video. It's a bit on the long side, but so very cool.

Post-It Note Tuesday

For more Post-It Note Tuesdays and How to Make Your Own, visit SupahMommy!

Dear Sir or Madam

I snagged this idea from my bloggy buddy Whitney. I figure it's a good way to avoid going postal when people drive you crazy stay in the holiday spirit.

Dear Comcast,

I applaud your new "improved customer service" ad campaign for which I've seen multiple television and print ads. However, I feel the need to remind you of the importance of truth in advertising.

That is all.

Sincerely,
ElleBee (aka "Please Santa, bring AT & T UVerse to my neighborhood for Christmas!")

Dear Lane Bryant,

As someone who is shaped like a freaking pear was blessed with good birthing hips, I am in love with your new Right Fit trouser jeans, size 5 blue. I could wear them every.single.day. I love the fact that I can wear a real belt and not have a big old gap at the back.

I think maybe you should give me a pair that I can use as a giveaway. I know some other curvy girls who would love them!

Kiss-Kiss,
ElleBee (aka "So glad I don't have to pay $75 for a pair of nice jeans anymore!")

Dear Children's Television Ad Programmers,

While I understand the economic importance of television advertising, is it necessary to have what seems to be an overabundance of girl toys? With an impressionable almost-four-year-old BOY, I'd appreciate more gender-neutral or boy-specific toys so my child doesn't feel that Santa needs to bring him Polly Pocket or the Dora Links doll.

It was bad enough that for Halloween he wanted to be a fireman with a pink jacket.

kthxbye,
ElleBee (aka "I never thought I'd wish for more Pokemon or Bakugan or Legos")

Dear Feminists Who Will Inevitably Consider Responding to the Above Letter,

Yes, I know I sound sexist and stereotypical. I don't care. They're my children, not yours.

Leave my Mommy's boys alone,
ElleBee (aka "The Mother Hen")

Where are Stacy and Clinton when you need them?

I used to be a huge fan of awards shows. Not sure why, but I really enjoyed them. Now? Notsomuch.

Maybe it's because I can count on one hand the number of movies I watched in the theatre in the last nine years. Or maybe the fact that my television maturity has been severely stunted by Nickelodeon, The Disney Channel and PBS Kids.

For some odd reason, with about forty minutes to kill last night, I turned on the Emmys. I'd missed most of the big awards, but I got the sense that, with a few exceptions, I'm apparently even more out of touch than I thought when it comes to current television.

How did I figure this out?

Well, out of the seven shows nominated for Outstanding Drama, I've seen episodes from exactly ONE of them (House). And the Outstanding Comedy is even sadder. Out of those seven? Not a blessed one. The rest of my results were pretty similar.

Out of eighteen non-technical categories, I've seen House, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, The Closer, Law & Order: SVU, Monk, SNL and The Letterman Show.

That's it.

I felt even more out of the loop when I watched Cherry Jones win for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama.

I never heard of Cherry Jones.

Not even name recognition. At least I'm pretty good with having HEARD of most of the actors.

But the one thing that never fails to entertain me is the fashion recap on the day following any major awards show.

There's always your typical "Best and Worst", and this year was no exception. But ohmygranny...one just really stood out.

Almost makes me wish I would've watched one of the pre-event shows this year just to hear the commentator's reaction.

Witness this "off the Barack" creation sported by actress Victoria Rowell...


Kind of ironic when you consider what a fashion icon Mrs. O. has become.